9.11.09

BY THE END OF THIS WEEK.

All that will be left is a stack of empty files - once stuffed with notes and test papers.

The last horrid paper's over. All that's left for me, given the blessing of a subject combi I have, are two MCQ papers on Thursday and Friday. That gives me 2 days to revise. Oh-suhmmm.


Weeks before O's were horrible. Quite. Thoughts of the papers kept me awake at night and woke me up in the morning. Seems like those lame parts in movies, right? But, seriously, it really happened to me.


I was scared. And if you know me well enough, it's really unusual. I was scared of the exams. I was scared of not getting the grades I went to get into the JC I want to go to; afraid that I won't be able to get into the JC I wanted to get into with my friends. Afraid that I'll end up in a different JC alone. Afraid that I won't make any new friends and I'll spend my whole 2 years in JC sad and lonely. Afraid that I won't be able to cope with the pressure, with the lifestyle. Afraid of every possible thing to be afraid of. And I don't know why.

I guess I'm just not ready to let go of my life now. SC. Oldham. My roommates. My friends. The people surrounding me; the familiar faces I see everyday. I'm scared of losing everything. Scared of starting new. I'm scared of the change that I know would be inevitable once I come back next year after the hols. I'm really really really scared. Really scared. And it's eating me up.

I can't let go. Pathetic as it may sound, I just can't imagine myself living away from everyone. I've gotten used to everything here already that I can't imagine living anywhere else with any other people. (I mean except for home cos you know, home is where the heart is. Lols. Now back to being emo!) I don't know if I'll be able to have the same relationship with the new group of people that I'm going to meet next year. Don't know if my roommates next year will ever be as bonded and as comfortable with each other as how my roommates are now. I don't know if I'll be able to make any new friends in my new school and if I'll be able to fit in. I'm scared, dammit, and it's so not healthy for my self-confidence.
*"I'm egoistic, I'm conceited, I have no shame" repeat it to yourself, Pat. And once again*


I know I won't be able to keep things as they are and that we all need to move on to progress in life and that change is an inevitable thing and yadda yadda yadda. But to all my friends I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT WE'RE ALL GOING TO STILL HANG OUT A LOT NEXT YEAR OKAY AND KEEP IN TOUCH AND REMEMBER MY BIRTHDAY, I WANT PRESENTSSS OKAY AND LET'S VISIT EACH OTHER REGULARLY OKAYY.
I don't know what to do without you, suckers. You all define me. You make me what I am.
You complete me.(Okay, this last one's just plain cheesy)


Quoting from my EOY post last year.


THANK GOD.
:D
He's really mighty to save.
&because of Him, I never worried.
I never found anything to worry about :)
because I believe that
"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."
Philippians 4:13


All you've got to do is PRAY :DDD
"Do not be anxious about anything,
but in everything, by prayer and petition,
with thanksgiving,
present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds.."
Philippians 4:6-7





AMEN :)




Done.
May God bless you, always :)


*PAT

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